Joy, laughter and togetherness are always welcome for the holidays, but sometimes an uninvited guest can pull up a chair too.
Grief.
You don't have to have lost someone to feel it. It could be a job loss, a deep disappointment, a strained relationship, a missed opportunity, a health challenge, or changes either chosen or forced that you are adjusting to.
Like a badly behaved guest, if it isn't planned for, properly attended and taken care of, Grief can spoil your plans, wreck your party, embarrass you and leave you crying in the bathroom at the most inopportune of times.
No one wants that.
We can't ask our feelings to leave, but we can be ready for them, treat them kindly, and help ourselves handle them. I've lost plenty of people at this point in my life, including my mother, and have suffered plenty of hurt, disappointment, strained relationships (and finances, those definitely cause grief!), and goodness knows, changes. I've tried and failed so many ways to deal with it, including ignoring (it does NOT go away), and have found a few things that work for me, which might work for you too.
1. Acknowledge Grief
Allow yourself a chance to be sad. Feel it. Don't ignore it or stuff it down for a later time. Have a good cry about it when you have some privacy, you'll be less likely to fall apart later. Hand it to God, asking for help with healing and letting go.
2. Know Your Triggers
The song "Amazing Grace" just kills me. It's my favorite, was my mom's favorite, and is such a tender, precious song. For the longest time, I couldn't hear the tune without my eyes leaking, and while that's better now, I still can't sing it without choking up. If it started to play at church, I would exit the room. It was just the easiest way. If you know something will upset you, take a break, come back when it's over.
3. Count Your Blessings
Gratitude chases an entire army of yucky feelings away. It doesn't take long to come up with a handful of reasons to be grateful.
4. Make Time For Yourself
Get enough rest, eat properly, drink plenty of water, and have a little peace and quiet to do something you enjoy. A depleted person has a hard time during an average day, much less a holiday.
5. Talk to Someone
Let your spouse, family, close friend know that you feel sad. They care about you. Sometimes grief shows up as irritability, impatience, and sullenness when we don't mean for it to. It's easier to be patient and supportive of someone if you know they are struggling.
6. Change It Up
Change things if you need to. Let go of traditions (at least this time) that are just utterly painful. Opt out. You are allowed to decline, let go, and do things differently if you need to. If it involves others, let them know why, they will be less likely to be hurt and more likely to understand.
7. Remember Your Loved One
Reminisce over the good, share a funny memory, make a donation or buy a poinsettia for a nursing home in your loved ones name. Ignoring the loss does not help anything, honoring the person will help ease the sting a little.
Remember, you are never alone, each day will get a little better. Reach out to your people, be honest with how you are feeling, allow yourself to be cared for. You are worth it!
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Psalm 119:76 NIV
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. Psalm 147:3-5 NIV
No comments:
Post a Comment